“RELEASE ME” 5 Day Durational Performance
Curated by Maureen Weiss & Directed by Hayley Hirsch
It started before I was born… My mother saved hundreds of Jews as a partisan fighting the Nazis during the Holocaust. She never expected to get out alive, just hoped that others would survive. Follow my journey as I knit the cocoon that protects and restricts me, and watch me unravel it as I release the generational trauma I’ve inherited.
Origin stories
DAY 1
Day one of Release Me is called Origin Stories because of its dedication to laying the foundation of my life and telling you how my generational trauma was conceived. Listen to the beginning of my story above.
“My parents and sister leave Italy for the United States in 1950. They travel by ship however it is not one of those overcrowded ships typical of Jewish immigrants of that time. My parents are able to come in a ship that is part cargo along with a small number of passengers. Along the way they hit turbulent water. My father’s description of that part of the journey is something out of a Three Stooges movie. Everyone suffers from terrible sea sickness. Everyone that is, except my parents and sister. The entire crew is sick, all of the passengers are sick. And meal times are pure slapstick comedy. They are the only ones in the dining room. A bowl of soup is served to them. They grab their spoons and the bowl slides to the other side of the table. Spoon in hand they grab the bowl just as it is about to go spilling off. When Dad tells the story there are a lot of hand gestures and pantomiming.”
Loss of Innocence
DAY 2
In various moments of my life, innocence was taken, from me and from my family. My thinking patterns form based on what was lost, and the trauma continues to form my cocoon. I see my womanhood as something to be rejected, not loved. Listen to how at age 11, I learned how dangerous my body could be, to me and others.
“The first book to blow my mind is Martin Buber’s I and Thou. I start asking myself who and what have I turned into an “it,” a “thing,” lacking any soul. And what if I think of everyone and everything as a Thou —a sacred, sentient, soulful being. Buber is the first to speak to me, shaking my world This means committing to seeing everyone as us, not them. Buber was a Hasidic Jew; however, I consider him my entry into Buddhism.”
Individuation
DAY 3
Time is moving, and I am still different. I dance, learn, & find my life partner. I notice, in a photograph of my mother, the happiness of a Holocaust survivor. After my mother dies, my father appreciates how my mother took care of our family. Listen to how my generational trauma expressed itself in my relationship with cookies.
“I love to dance, in my soul, I am a dancer. When I dance, I am in my body, my mind is quiet and my soul is free to speak. When we live on Fairfax, I am entranced by Shirley Temple movies. I already have the curls; I want tap lessons. Dad says that if I take ballet first, he will pay for tap lessons. I am a very affectionate child; hugging and kissing anyone who comes into our house. At the end of every ballet class, in order to get my gold or silver star, I have to give the teacher a kiss. For some reason she gives me the creeps. I ask my parents to send me to a different school. Instead, they stop my lessons entirely. I learn the popular dances of my childhood; the mash potatoes, the pony, the watusi…, from the after school television shows. I do take folk dancing through a Jewish organization.”
Finding my voice
DAY 4
Art is my fate. I marry. I learn to unlearn what doesn’t serve me. My mother sees death as a victory for the Nazis, so I guide her peacefully. I grieve. My cocoon is almost fully built. Listen to Sequoia National Park.
“The apartment is in total darkness. I have covered all the windows and doors so that no light can penetrate the apartment. The first five feet are lined with foam rubber and have walls bisecting the two sides with panels of three-inch-thick foam rubber. Each of these panels has a large X cut into them. When cut foam comes in contact with fabric it reacts like a massive suction cup. People are heaving themselves through the foam panels, at times completely suspended. When they get to a point along the second corridor, they trigger an eye beam that triggers a photographic strobe light. The light ripples across the sheet plastic that serves as a ceiling. They are finally met by a female figure with multiple sets of arms, beckoning to them. I have no idea what the experience will be for the participants, who are Gary and his students. Each person comes out with a similar story, I am shocked as every person says the same thing, ‘Oh wow, it was like going through the birth canal.’”
Free at last
DAY 5
I unravel my cocoon.
I see myself for the very first time. I love myself, truly love myself. I am fearless. I am kind to myself. I am a beautiful person. I feel powerful, unstoppable, excited about the future. My life’s work has come full circle. I’m proud of how committed I’ve been to getting free. Listen to what my freedom sounds like.
“In The Radiance Sutras, Dr. Lorin Roche writes ‘Live your whole life as a festival, a celebration.’”
